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What is Counselling?
What is counselling?
Counselling offers regular, confidential time to talk with someone who is trained to listen and who is outside your family, friendships and everyday life.
People seek bereavement counselling for many different reasons. Some have supportive people around them but find there are things they cannot easily share. They may worry about burdening someone who is also grieving, or find that family members are responding to the same death very differently. Others may feel isolated or have nobody they feel able to talk to.
Sometimes work, caring responsibilities or everyday life leave little space to think about what has happened. A bereavement may also bring feelings, memories, questions or changes in relationships that are difficult to talk about elsewhere.
Counselling provides a space where your experience can be the focus. You do not need to look after the feelings of the person listening, and there is no expectation about how you should be grieving.
What happens in a counselling session?
Counselling with us usually involves meeting your counsellor once a week, either in person, by video or by telephone, depending on the service you are using.
There is no set programme for what you need to discuss. You might talk about the person who died, your relationship with them, what happened around the death or how life has changed. You might also talk about family, work, earlier experiences, other relationships or something else that has become important to you.
Your counsellor will not analyse you, tell you how you should feel or give you instructions about what to do. They will listen and work alongside you to explore your thoughts, feelings and experiences.
Our counsellors work integratively. This means they can draw on different counselling approaches in response to you, your experiences and what you need from counselling, rather than expecting everyone to work in the same way.
You remain in control of what you choose to talk about. You do not have to discuss something before you feel ready.
How is counselling different from other forms of support?
Counselling does not replace support from friends, family, community, faith groups or other people in your life. It offers a different kind of relationship.
Your counsellor is there specifically to listen to you. You do not need to support them in return or worry about how what you say might affect them. The relationship also has clear professional boundaries: you meet at an agreed time and your counsellor does not become part of your life outside counselling.
What you discuss is treated as confidential. There are some circumstances where information may need to be shared, including serious concerns about safety or a legal requirement to do so. We will explain the boundaries of confidentiality before counselling begins.
Common questions about counselling
Will there be a lot of silence? I find silence difficult.
There may sometimes be quiet moments while you or your counsellor think about what has been said, but counselling does not require you to sit through long silences. If silence feels uncomfortable, you can tell your counsellor. How you experience the sessions is something you can talk about together.
Will I be doing all the talking?
Counselling is a conversation. Your counsellor will listen and respond, and may ask questions or reflect on something you have said. Different people need different things from their counsellor. You can talk with them about what feels helpful or about anything in the way you are working together that does not feel comfortable.
What if I find something too difficult to talk about?
You do not have to tell your counsellor everything or discuss a difficult experience before you feel ready. Sometimes it can be useful to talk about why something feels difficult to discuss without talking about the experience itself. You can also tell your counsellor when you want to stop, change the subject or need some time.
What if I don't know what to talk about?
You do not need to arrive with a clear idea of what you want to say. Some people do; others simply know that something feels difficult. Your counsellor can help you explore what is happening, and what feels important may become clearer as you talk together.
Is counselling only about the person who died?
No. Bereavement does not happen separately from the rest of life. You may talk about relationships, family, work, your past, your identity, changes in your circumstances or concerns about the future. These may be connected with the loss or important for other reasons.
Counselling gives you space to explore what matters to you rather than restricting the conversation to what someone else thinks bereavement counselling should be about.