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Grief after suicide

When someone you know dies by suicide, the impact can extend across families, friendships, workplaces and communities. People affected by the same death may experience and understand it in very different ways.

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Grief after suicide can include many experiences that follow other deaths, but it may also bring particular questions and feelings. You may spend time trying to understand what happened or wondering whether you could have done something differently. You might experience anger, guilt, confusion or shock, or feel a strong need to know why. Stigma around suicide can also make it harder to talk openly about the death.

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There may not be answers to every question, and people close to the person who died may have different understandings of what happened.

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What might this feel like?

Questions after a suicide can return repeatedly, particularly when there are things you do not know or cannot resolve. Your feelings may also change over time or seem to conflict with one another. You might:

• go over conversations or events looking for something you missed

• wonder whether you could or should have prevented the death

• feel angry with the person who died while also missing them

• feel guilty about things you said, did or did not do

• find it difficult to tell other people how the person died

• feel isolated when others seem uncomfortable talking about suicide

• worry about the wellbeing of other family members or people close to you

• find that the death brings thoughts about suicide into your own life.

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For some people, a death by suicide can change how they think about death or suicide themselves. You may experience thoughts that feel unfamiliar or frightening, or wonder whether you could also become suicidal. This is not everyone’s experience, but if it happens, you can talk about it.

Talking openly about suicide does not cause suicidal thoughts. Being able to speak about what you are experiencing without judgement can make it easier to seek further support when needed.

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How might counselling help?

Counselling offers a confidential space to talk about the person who died, the circumstances of their death, and feelings or questions that may be difficult to share elsewhere.

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You do not have to make sense of the death or arrive at an answer about why it happened. You can explore uncertainty, anger, guilt, sadness and other experiences without being told what you should feel.

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If you are thinking about suicide or are concerned that you may harm yourself, bereavement counselling is not a substitute for urgent support. Please seek immediate help through an appropriate crisis or emergency service.